Oh That I May Be With Him

One of the strangest lessons in this life must be that hardships and problems draw us closer and closer to our Lord.

with himWhile still mourning the death of my mother, I was in the process of moving my oldest brother into suitable living arrangements.  My brother is mentally challenged and has been my “inheritance” since our mother’s death.  Naturally I was feeling sad, lonely and anxious from the stress, the decisions to be made and clearly the physical labor of moving.  I felt completely removed from my normal routine and wondered if my life would ever resemble what it used to be?  Would my life ever have a purpose or a destiny?  It appeared esteemed people around me had  a calling on their life; they had ministry positions and compared to my seemingly sad and boring life day-after-day, they looked to be important.

While talking to the Father about these thoughts and feelings, I imagined myself to be of no use to Him, I felt I wasn’t working for the Kingdom and somehow “letting Him down.”  Quietly I said to Him, “Lord, I just want to be used by You, to do something for You.”  Quickly, Holy Spirit responded to me, “I have lots of people doing things for Me, what I need is someone to be with Me.”  Those simple yet profound words thrilled me; He wants me to be with Him!  These magnificent words changed my life and changed the way I saw myself from that moment forward.

The Father desires a relationship with you.  No longer is there a wall between you and God, you have access to Him, He desires for you to spend time with Him, getting to know Him.

“Jesus went up into the mountain, and called to himself those whom he wanted, and they went to him.  He appointed twelve, that they might be with him, and that he might send them out to preach, and to have authority to heal sicknesses and to cast out demons.”  Mark 3:13-15.

“Father, I desire that they also whom you have given me be with me where I am, that they may see my glory, which you have given me, for you loved me before the foundation of the world.   Righteous Father, the world hasn’t known you, but I knew you; and these knew that you sent me. I made known to them your name, and will make it known; that the love with which you loved me may be in them, and I in them.”  John 17:24-26

bench afarJournal entry: Lord I’m thanking You for opening doors for my brother a nice house to live near us and for him to be safe and happy.  I’ve felt really sifted during this process of mourning Mom and taking on the responsibility of my brother. Sometimes a part of me wants my old life back!  I’m afraid and weepy today but I keep my eyes on You Lord and I won’t LET myself be troubled, I won’t LET self pity come on me, I won’t lose heart or lose faith in You.  You will never leave me or forsake me.  When I feel like this, I do not need to think or mull things over, I don’t need to seek pity from others, I just need to be still and quiet and look to You.  So, I stay on the alter under the knife and I will my mind to shut up and to offer praise, thanks and prayers unto You, for I know You have a plan for me and for my life for a hope and a future (Jer. 29:11).    I am weak in myself but strong in You Lord.

I visualize bringing my cares and laying them at Your feet, I see You touch the top of my head lovingly and I crumble at Your feet.  I hear You telling me, “Shhhhhh.”

My friend, St. John of the Cross said, “The deeper my faith = the closer my union with God.”

“Experience with God only comes by pressing in and abiding in Him.  He wants purity of heart, not gifts without fruit.”  It’s not about religion, it’s about relationship.”  Neville Johnson

Be Blessed In Him,

Jae