Lost In My Own Backyard

BlizzardIt is said, that in the Great Plains, animals and people went missing and perished during the Easter Sunday Blizzard of 1873.  Thousands of head of livestock were lost in central Nebraska, the largest relative amount of any blizzard. Most of the newly planted produce and trees died from the storm, wildlife was also greatly affected. After the storm the bodies of dead deer, antelope, and other animals were scattered over the prairie. Dead birds were found everywhere. Live prairie chickens were seldom seen in Adams County after this blizzard. It is not known how many settlers left after the blizzard never to return.

After that gruesome and devastating event, farmers at the first sign of a blizzard, fearing a whiteout, the possibility of vanishing and/or a slow death, would tie a rope from the backdoor of the house out to the barn.  Each and every person remembered people who had wandered off and been frozen having lost sight of home while still in their own backyards.

Undoubtedly, we all face times when we feel, it’s just all too much!  There were several times in my life just like that, things that used to work for me just didn’t work anymore, desires I used to have, seemingly faded away.  The people I had grown to know and depend upon, well I didn’t anymore.  Deeply planted roots in my life were being plucked up one by one at a very fast pace.  The person I used to be I wasn’t anymore. All in all, I was lost and uncomfortable and I just wanted my old life back!

Four Separate Journal Entries:

Lord, it seems as if I’ve lost my purpose and meaning, it was there and then it was gone, how did I lose it?  I feel so heavy, help me Father to hold on to and accept the plans You have for me.  I heard my Father say, “Lay all the burdens that cause you to feel stressed or worried on the altar today and take a mental vacation.”

compass_handWho am I?!?  That’s what I’m really wondering and I see my loved one’s wondering the same thing.  Plain and simple – I’ve lost my identity.  I feel like a sad faced clown in the circus; I should be happy and free yet truthfully, I’m sad and lost and it feels as if I’m merely putting on a good face for those who love me so they won’t be in pain over my feeling “lost.”  Lord, I will rest in You until the dark passes and new Light comes.  Don’t let me miss whatever this is about and I give You permission to work in me Your perfect will. 

Lord, I’m lost in an unknown land!  Let it be that when I’m found again, I won’t come back the same person as I was when I went “missing.”  Change my life, change me, give me what I really want, not what I think I want.  You know what’s best for me, You know Your will for me.  I remain still, quiet and listening while I’m under the knife.

Holy Spirit told me today, “I’m putting down good, firm roots for you, you’re safe and secure in Me and in this place and time in your life.  Keep your eyes on Me and you’ll not be blown away or felled over.  These roots go down deep and are powerful and strong.  Once you had roots, then for awhile you knew that  you had none and how vulnerable and lost you felt.  But I tell you it’s a new day and roots you shall have and these roots shall establish you and secure you.”

When you find yourself LOST in your own backyard, don’t die in the storm!  Don’t lose sight of your Heavenly home, don’t pack up and leave or wander off!  Tie your rope to Him, for He is able to save your soul.  I gently advise you to bear the following in mind:

Keep hope,

Be joyful always,

Pray continually,

Give thanks in all circumstances,

Don’t lose heart,

Think on things above,

Peace is the will of God for you in every situation.

You can’t protect yourself, it is God alone who protects you so stop struggling, do not try to stop the pain, take a deep breath and be at peace, for this too shall pass.

I leave you with a quote from one of my strong and faithful mentors, St John of the Cross.  “Do not forget that the purpose of your journey is to be with God – an audience of one with The One.  For the riches and the glory you seek are with Him, not where you have been looking,”

Be Blessed,

Jae Nelson



  • Unfortunate False Identity

    business ladyIt’s taken me years to discover this lesson, the revelation of “who I am,” a seminar of “self worth” and sadly at times I still catch myself falling into that former trap.

    Many years working in fast-paced, aggressive, corporate jobs in the Metroplex, taught me to naturally work my way to the top of practically every job I held. That was my nature, it was easy for me and I enjoyed the amusement, as a sport and an enjoyable competition.

    Identity, it was never a conscious notion, yet like many people, I felt the following to be true:

    • If I’m busy I have a purpose.
    • If I’m busy I am important.
    • If I’m busy I am needed.

    My Journal Entry:

    “I hear an inward, soulish busy voice screaming at me today saying, “Shouldn’t you be doing something useful?!?”  Then I’m reminded of the words, hard words of wisdom (see below) and I take some slow, deep breaths and know I’m in the perfect will of God at this time. I’m to enjoy this time, every second of it, I began to calm down and the inner debate is over…….for now.

    My self wants to DO something for You God, to go somewhere to hear You God, to fast, to read, to make plans, to find employment!  But I know I’m not to DO, but to BE, why oh why is it so hard to just be, be quiet, be still, be here, be content, be now … be?  I’m a human being not a human doing.  I need to sit in solitude, in the quiet and enjoy Your presence and to find myself again.

    BusyIn the mid 1500’s, my good friend St. John of the Cross wrote, “I must learn to stay at rest with quiet attention to God and ignore my desires to keep busy.  The security of activity must give way to the unknown of quiet rest.  I can’t come to know God in the way that I can know any other person or any other thing.  I can’t bridge the gap by effort, imagination or will, faith alone bridges the gap.  There are 3 temptations unto man, to be useful, to be important and to be powerful.”  Oh how I love the words of St. John of the Cross, he’s been where I am, he wrote about it and he “hit’s home” with me every time!  The enemy has no new tricks, only old tricks that he’s perfected over time and I must be aware and vigilant at keeping my peace and inward solitude.  Oh Lord, help me to stay at peace, help me to know my purpose which is to love You, to spend time with You and to BE with You .  And if I can do that, then I am important and I am needed – needed to show my love and devotion to You and to present these truths to others for You.”

    Quote: “People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.”  ~George Bernard Shaw

    MY BIG DREAMS  – An Acrostic Poem – Sept 19, 2000

    My big dreams for me oh Lord just seemed so right and perfect.  I was

    Yearning for things that were my own plans, wishes and desires.  I’m

    Beginning to see these were my private tactics, self-centered, wrong and

    Indeed untimely.  It’s very true dear Lord, You know my heart and what is

    Genuinely best for me, I trust You.  Truthfully, I’ve felt so let down and deeply

    Disappointed that my requests are placed on hold.  You said some dreams were

    Reserved for my future and that You have a superior plan; a better way.  So

    Empower me to follow near to You dear Father, hold to my faltering hand.

    Again I lay aside my selfish and lofty prayers and here today I cast on You

    My cares.  This present life is only a dream, I’ll be content with what I have.  I

    Say now, “If the Lord wills, I’ll do this or that, and not boast on my own.

    JNelson