Lost In My Own Backyard

BlizzardIt is said, that in the Great Plains, animals and people went missing and perished during the Easter Sunday Blizzard of 1873.  Thousands of head of livestock were lost in central Nebraska, the largest relative amount of any blizzard. Most of the newly planted produce and trees died from the storm, wildlife was also greatly affected. After the storm the bodies of dead deer, antelope, and other animals were scattered over the prairie. Dead birds were found everywhere. Live prairie chickens were seldom seen in Adams County after this blizzard. It is not known how many settlers left after the blizzard never to return.

After that gruesome and devastating event, farmers at the first sign of a blizzard, fearing a whiteout, the possibility of vanishing and/or a slow death, would tie a rope from the backdoor of the house out to the barn.  Each and every person remembered people who had wandered off and been frozen having lost sight of home while still in their own backyards.

Undoubtedly, we all face times when we feel, it’s just all too much!  There were several times in my life just like that, things that used to work for me just didn’t work anymore, desires I used to have, seemingly faded away.  The people I had grown to know and depend upon, well I didn’t anymore.  Deeply planted roots in my life were being plucked up one by one at a very fast pace.  The person I used to be I wasn’t anymore. All in all, I was lost and uncomfortable and I just wanted my old life back!

Four Separate Journal Entries:

Lord, it seems as if I’ve lost my purpose and meaning, it was there and then it was gone, how did I lose it?  I feel so heavy, help me Father to hold on to and accept the plans You have for me.  I heard my Father say, “Lay all the burdens that cause you to feel stressed or worried on the altar today and take a mental vacation.”

compass_handWho am I?!?  That’s what I’m really wondering and I see my loved one’s wondering the same thing.  Plain and simple – I’ve lost my identity.  I feel like a sad faced clown in the circus; I should be happy and free yet truthfully, I’m sad and lost and it feels as if I’m merely putting on a good face for those who love me so they won’t be in pain over my feeling “lost.”  Lord, I will rest in You until the dark passes and new Light comes.  Don’t let me miss whatever this is about and I give You permission to work in me Your perfect will. 

Lord, I’m lost in an unknown land!  Let it be that when I’m found again, I won’t come back the same person as I was when I went “missing.”  Change my life, change me, give me what I really want, not what I think I want.  You know what’s best for me, You know Your will for me.  I remain still, quiet and listening while I’m under the knife.

Holy Spirit told me today, “I’m putting down good, firm roots for you, you’re safe and secure in Me and in this place and time in your life.  Keep your eyes on Me and you’ll not be blown away or felled over.  These roots go down deep and are powerful and strong.  Once you had roots, then for awhile you knew that  you had none and how vulnerable and lost you felt.  But I tell you it’s a new day and roots you shall have and these roots shall establish you and secure you.”

When you find yourself LOST in your own backyard, don’t die in the storm!  Don’t lose sight of your Heavenly home, don’t pack up and leave or wander off!  Tie your rope to Him, for He is able to save your soul.  I gently advise you to bear the following in mind:

Keep hope,

Be joyful always,

Pray continually,

Give thanks in all circumstances,

Don’t lose heart,

Think on things above,

Peace is the will of God for you in every situation.

You can’t protect yourself, it is God alone who protects you so stop struggling, do not try to stop the pain, take a deep breath and be at peace, for this too shall pass.

I leave you with a quote from one of my strong and faithful mentors, St John of the Cross.  “Do not forget that the purpose of your journey is to be with God – an audience of one with The One.  For the riches and the glory you seek are with Him, not where you have been looking,”

Be Blessed,

Jae Nelson



  • 10 thoughts on “Lost In My Own Backyard

    1. When these feelings pass through you, think about how marvelous it is to have those feelings. I find that the struggle against them IS the problem itself. So, when some thought passes through me that I judge as a bad feeling or a feeling that hurts, I try to remember that my judgment is the problem. Then I notice that the feeling begins to change, to lighten. So, it was just me after all, pretending mistakenly that I was not happy or fulfilled. But I am. Always. And so are you. Always. Until those strange thoughts pass again, and I have forgotten to tie that rope around my waist. The forest and the blizzard are our own creations.

      You write beautifully. So your own words are the very proof that you are looking for. See? Isn’t it funny how we continue to play this game on ourselves? Love, Phil (Bro)

    2. When these feelings pass through you, think about how marvelous it is to have those feelings. I find that the struggle against them IS the problem itself. So, when some thought passes through me that I judge as a bad feeling or a feeling that hurts, I try to remember that my judgment is the problem. Then I notice that the feeling begins to change, to lighten. So, it was just me after all, pretending mistakenly that I was not happy or fulfilled. But I am. Always. And so are you. Always. Until those strange thoughts pass again, and I have forgotten to tie that rope around my waist. The forest and the blizzard are our own creations.

      You write beautifully. So your own words are the very proof that you are looking for. See? Isn’t it funny how we continue to play this game on ourselves? Love, Phil (Bro)

    3. The storm is still blowing hard for me and there are times I turn into it, not realizing I am making blind steps into ?. Thank you for the encouragement and the reminder to stay grounded by holding onto to Jesus.

    4. The storm is still blowing hard for me and there are times I turn into it, not realizing I am making blind steps into ?. Thank you for the encouragement and the reminder to stay grounded by holding onto to Jesus.

    Add Your Comments